At the time I wrote this in college there was minimal information on parental alienation. You may copy and use this information as long as you notify me, Dr. Regina M. Baldwin. 

Parental Alienation is one of the most spiteful child abuse.  

People don’t have to look very far to see the consequences that are a result of a society living in disobedience and rebellion to God.   Marriage has become a romantic notion rather than the lifetime covenant that it was created to be.  As a result, divorce has become an epidemic and children are its greatest victims who get caught in an emotional crossfire as parents engage in high-conflict divorces and custody battles.  If this weren’t bad enough, children are becoming increasingly like pawns used by one parent in order to cause pain, conflict, and destruction against the other spouse.  Depending on the degree of conflict, there are parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents who unjustifiably persecute, brainwash, and totally destroy a once loving parent child bond with the non-custodial parent.  This is called Parent Alienation Syndrome and has devastating life time emotional effects on the children and the alienated parent.  We will look at the behavior and characteristics of the parent or family member who alienates the child from his/her other parent; the process by which this is done and  the devastating effects on the child.  It will also look at ways to counter react and heal the effects and the relationship of those involved in this process of the parent alienation syndrome.

The Destruction of the Family

In today’s society, all a person has to do is turn on the television or read the newspaper to see the total destruction and downhill slide of morality. One would almost stagger at the statistics of marital discord where studies show 35% of people who marry will get a divorce and 18% of divorced couples have been remarried several times.  What is even sadder is that multiple divorces are extremely common in the church showing 23% of reported born again Christians are also divorced multiple times.  Virtually every night, 40% of children sleep in homes where there is no father and single-parent children are two to three times more likely to have more physical and emotional problems even 10-15 years after a divorce.  Children born after 1950 are 10 times more likely to suffer from depression, anxiety, and all sorts of ailments brought on by the stress of the destruction of the family (Clinton, T., Hart, A., Ohlschlager, G., 2005).

According to Psalm 127:3, men and women are told that children are a reward (a gift) from the Lord (NIV).  Why is it then that the suicide rate according to Dr. Hart has tripled for adolescents since 1958 and even children younger than that are killing themselves (1992, p.7)? Our younger generations are also showing ulcers and an increasing number are turning to drugs, sex, violence, and alcohol.  Forty-two percent of children during the age they attend kindergarten and third grade are left home alone with no one to care for them.  Is it any wonder then since many parents are not physically or emotionally available, that children are making up their own rules and standards which are beyond their parents influence?  Even things that parents think are good, such as iPods, cell phones, DVD players, constant educational activities, and sports are causing more and more bad stress.  Children who are given too much time alone are also 50% more likely to smoke and experiment with drugs.  They also are having more and more disciplinary and behavior problems (Hart, 1992).

 

Effects of Divorce on Children

A famous child psychologist, Dr. Lee Salk, once said “The trauma of divorce is second only to death.  Children sense a deep loss and feel they are suddenly vulnerable to forces beyond their control” (Hart, 1996, p. 19).  Most children of divorce will never have to face such a stressful event such as divorce ever again in their life.  Although divorce is a common occurrence in our society today, still over 80% of children rarely receive any warning that this is about to occur to their own family (Hart, 1996). Some children will be subject to multiple divorces by their parents by the time they go away to college (Steakley, 2008).  Following are some of the devastating effects divorces have on children based on Dr. Archibald’s bookHelping Children Survive Divorce:
 

  • Divorce signals to the child that his or her family structure has collapsed and this makes the child feel very frightened and alone. The loneliness that children experience can be quite acute and last very long (1996).

  • Since parents (many unprepared themselves for this event) are consumed with their own feelings, emotions, and how they are going to survive, it leaves them with a diminished capacity to parent their children to the best of their ability (1996).

  • In a divorce, children usually feel conflicted in their loyalty to their parents (1996).

  • Tremendous anxiety is brought about in the child or children regarding how and to what extent things will change living and being dependent on one parent (1996).

  • In most divorces, there is incredible hatred and resentment between the mother and father of the children. This causes tremendous fear within a child (1996).

  • Divorce also causes many losses in a child’s life. It may require a change of schools, home, neighborhood, and friends which all cause to some level a certain degree of depression (1996).

One of the largest factors in a child’s ability to cope is the hostility factor between parents.  The greater the hostility, resentment and conflict, the greater the damage to the child.  It is most damaging when the divorce is pursued impulsively or with great anger between the parents and children are caught up in a never-ending custody battle where the loyalty of the child to either parent is seduced (Hart, 1996).
 

What is Parental Alienation or PAS?

Children are often caught in an emotional crossfire when their parents separate and divorce.  Many of those couple continue to bitterly fight for years after or even during separation over issues such as visitation, holidays, child support, and many other issues.  Research repeatedly shows that children’s adjustment and mental health depend directly on whether or not, and how well their parents protect the children from the conflict.  Parents who consciously or unconsciously sabotage their children’s relationship with the other parent for revenge on their ex-spouse (or sometimes in the case of a legal custodian – both parents) will learn in time how their behavior will cause lasting damage to their children which is often irreversible since the consequences too often don’t manifest themselves till years later.


After a period of “brainwashing” or just picking up the hateful, resentful and often told lies regarding the absent parent, the child allies himself or herself with the preferred parent and rejects any type of relationship with the other (alienated) parent.  This process leads to a tragic outcome when the child and the alienated parent who previously had a loving and mutually satisfying relationship; lose the nurture and joy of that relationship for many year and perhaps for their lifetimes.  This is the process that is called Parental Alienation and when done to the extreme is termed Parental Alienation Syndrome.  It’s primary manifestation is the child’s campaign of denigration against the absent parent, a campaign that has no justification.  It is the result of the combination of a programming parent and the child’s own contribution to the vilification of the absent or targeted parent.

Children are often caught in an emotional crossfire when their parents separate and divorce.  Many of those couples continue to bitterly fight for years after a divorce over issues such as visitation, holidays, child support, and many other issues. Research repeatedly shows that children’s adjustment and mental health depend directly on whether or not, and how well, their parents protect the children from the conflict. “Parents who consciously or unconsciously, sabotage their children’s relationship with the other parent for revenge on their ex-spouse will learn how their behavior can cause lasting damage to the children” (Darnall, 2008, p. xii).


Signs of Parental Alienation

Behaviors that are often campaigned from the alienating parent against the target parent include moral issues such as their “type” of friends, values, life-style, successes with a stress on their failures in life and even their residential choice.  They are intended to boost the programmers own ego and position in comparison with the alienated parent who becomes completely expendable over time.  Criticizing behaviors are very powerful especially if they occur over a long period of time and whatever positive view the child has had of the targeted parent will eventually conform to the programming parent’s opinions and sentiments (Clawar, Rivlin, 1991).
 

A persistent campaign of name-calling, criticizing and defacing the targeted parent. The child will tell the parent that when they stop being lazy or using drugs, the child will consider talking to them. 

 

 

Usually these comments directly reflect the guardian’s comments to the other parent or overheard discussions (Darnell, 2008).
 

  • The alienated parent is all bad and has no hope or redeeming qualities. The child will actually make degrading remarks such as “You don’t care about me”.  “You never cared about anything I did”.  “You are a drug addict or a drunk”.  “I don’t want to see you or have anything to do with you”.  “You are not even my mother/father as far as I’m concerned”.  These comments reflect the alienating parent or guardian and things they have said (Darnell, 2008).

  • When the child is asked about all the good times they had together by the alienated parent they will tell them that they don’t remember and if pictures of them smiling are shown they will respond by saying they were just faking it (Darnell, 1998).

  • Presence of borrowed scenarios: The child justifies his feelings from situations or scenarios that were told to him or her by the alienating parent or guardian.  This might not be done on purpose but has devastating consequences.  The alienating child may say that he remembers how terrible things were at home with all the fighting and beatings that went on when they were only two years old except two year olds will not have such memories.  “The rationalization comes from what has been overheard from adults or told to them directly, and they believe the allegations must be true” (Darnell, 2008, p.12).

  • The threat of withdrawal of approval or love is a coercive powerful and universally successful technique. The children come to fear any type of rejection from the alienating parent with whom they live and the child must become a sort of cohort and also turn against the other parent (Clawar, Rivlin, 1991).

The signs and behavior are seemingly endless at how an adult can turn a once loving relationship against the parent they had one with.  Often it is unconscious but most of the time it is very calculated and planned.  Unfortunately, these parents who alienate their children or even guardians (caretakers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, the list is endless) who do this often time believe because of their own hurt and possible betrayal and varying degrees of anger, do so in the name of the “best interest of the child”.  Let us look at briefly some of the motivational factors of who does what and why (Richardson, 2006).

Motivational Factors

There are many motivational factors that influence the beliefs and behavior the parent who is the alienator/brainwasher.  Below are some of the most common factors that instigate the process and often more than one of them is at work.  The following factors are from Clawar and Rivlin’s book Children Held Hostage:
 

  • Revenge: One of the biggest, most common and powerful motivational factors for programming children is revenge against the targeted parent. Feelings of revenge may be perceived (such as unresolved issues from the parents own family of original) or may come from unresolved feelings of rejection, helplessness, jealousy, possessiveness that the revengeful parent experienced in their marriage or the parent is unable to resolve these issues in a healthy manner.  Getting revenge for their anguish, they exclude the parent from the child’s life (1991).

  • Fear of losing the child: One example is when the parent becomes unwilling to share the child when the targeted parent remarries. This parent already perceives threats to their own relationship with their child but now feels that the targeted parent is trying to replace them and remove them from the situation altogether (1991).

  • Jealousy: Some parents may have initially had a workable relationship until the targeted parent starts dating and there is an imagined fear that this new person will steal the child from the parent (1991).

  • There are many other reasons such as loss of identity where a mother or father’s only role has always been taking care of the child and now that divorce has caused a total change in everyone’s role, the parent suffers a loss of identity unless they can win a complete alliance of their child (1991).

 

Problems Suffered by Children

Below are some of the specific problems of children that suffer from the effects of parental alienation.  The degree in which they suffer these problems has a lot to do with the age they were first subject to it, the developmental period they were going through and the duration and extent of the alienation that they were subjected to.  There is no doubt though that children who were exposed to PAS carried many problems into their adult life.  It must be said that despite the negative impact that PAS has amongst its victims, that many children did very well academically and focused their frustrations into being successful in sports and other activities (Baker,2007).

There are specific areas that all children suffered in or with.  The more severe the alienation, the more of the following issues the children struggled with according to Amy Baker.

Anger is a very common reaction of most of the children subjected to the process of parental alienation.  Although the anger is usually expressed toward the target parent, the fact the children are forced causes severe distress and frustration and the response is usually to show aggressive behavior towards the targeted parent in order to accommodate the alienating parent (2007).

 

  1. Children who suffer from PAS often turn to delinquent behavior. During the process there is a lack of impulse control in their conduct (2007).

  1. Loss of self-confidence and self-esteem (2007).

  1. Children very young who have been programmed to hate one of the parents will tend to suffer clinging and separation anxiety (2007).

  2. Developing fears and phobias. Many children fear abandonment since they have already been programmed that one of their parents has in several ways abandoned them. This can result in phobias when attending school and they are separated from the adult who claims they are the only one who truly cares for the child.  Some children will suffer from hypochondria-cal disorders and tend to develop psychological symptoms and physical illnesses.  They also fear what will happen in the future if the something happens to the only “good parent”(2007).

  3. Depression and suicidal ideation often occurs when children are so unhappy about the breakup of their parents and are further faced with the animosity between the targeted and alienating parent. This ambivalence and uncertainty can sometimes bring about suicidal attempts due to the unhappiness which the child feels brought about by the two main adults in their life (2007).

  4. Children often have problems sleeping and have disturbing dreams due to their worries about the danger of the alienated parent and the guilt that they might be playing in the alienation process; especially when they have not yet “bought” into the whole understanding of what is going on and is convinced that the targeting parent is correct (2007).

  5. Eating disorders have been noted in children exposed to PAS including anorexia nervosa, obesity, and bulimia (2007).

  6. Children who have had to reject one parent may be disruptive and aggressive in a school setting and suffer education problems (2007).

  7. Very young children, due to the pressure and frustration around them, suffer from bed wetting and soiling (2007).

  8. Drug abuse and self-destructive behavior frequently are present in children who have suffered from PAS. This comes from the tendency to want to escape their feeling of the abuse they have suffered through the experience.  In extreme
    cases this self-destructive behavior can lead to suicidal tendencies (2007).

  9. Obsessive compulsive behavior is frequently present in PAS children (2007).

  10. Anxiety and panic attacks as well as psycho somatic disorders are very common including nightmares (2007).

  11. Damaged sexual identity problems especially if they have failed to identify with one of the parents they felt originally secure with (2007).

  12. Children who suffer from PAS often turn to delinquent behavior. During the process there is a lack of impulse control in their conduct (2007).

  13. Loss of self-confidence and self-esteem (2007).

  14. Children who have had to reject one parent may be disruptive and aggressive in a school setting and suffer education problems (2007).

 

The effects on children followed them into adulthood.  It seemed as though no matter how much adult children of PAS accomplished, they carried with them a great sense of low self-esteem.  Many reported that their identity was based exclusively on what other people told them to do and how they were told to do it.  Many suffered from having no self-identity what so ever.  The source of low self-esteem seemed to be the “internalization of the hatred of the targeted parent.  This phenomenon was particularly powerful for adult children who were alienated from their same sex parent” (Baker, 2007).

Lack of trust in themselves and others was also a theme that was recurrent especially among women who were alienated against their fathers.  They felt as though no man would ever love them.  They felt if the first man in their life that was supposed to love them didn’t, then why would any other man stay.  Another very tragic repetition was that when PAS children became parents themselves, they found themselves in many cases alienating themselves from their own children (Clawar, Rivlin, 1991).

Other areas of impact included drug and alcohol problems, not having a sense of belonging or family roots; choosing to have a career rather than expose themselves to the possible painful ramifications of having children with the possibility of being rejected by them; low career achievement; bitterness and anger over the lost time during their life with the alienated parent along with problems with memory (Clawar, Rivlin, 1991).

 

Identification and Treatment

Parent alienation has been going on for as long as there have been divorce and custody battles.  Fortunately since approximately the 1970’s, due to the work of Dr. Darnell, M.D., and other psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, lawyers, court child mediators, and even judges,  it has started to gain some of the attention that is lacking in our court systems and child protective agencies..  Part of the problem is, the system is so overwhelmed with accusations, it is difficult to distinguish legitimate abuse often from parent alienation.  One cannot easily separate parents or children that are making justified claims of abuse that need to be legally handled from a vindictive spouse trying to alienate the other parent through false accusations (Novick, 2003).

Reunification therapy is a recent modality for treating high conflict litigious families.

Reunification emphasizes case management using court appointed mediators, parent coordinators, or special masters to monitor compliance with court orders and educated the parents about working together (Darnall, 2010, p. 78).

A big problem is that courts rarely order reunification therapy for the alienating parent and the child and even if they do it remains a difficult task because either the child or alienating parent has little or no desire to participate.  Mental health professionals argue that for reunification to occur there needs to be a healthy relationship with both parents.  Unfortunately, statistics have shown that it is very difficult to undo the negative programming of an alienating parent even with specialized therapy (Darnall, 2010).

In cases where PAS has been determined, Gardner’s recommendations for mental health professionals are very helpful.  That is, since reunification therapy rarely works “the therapist’s primary role is to create opportunities for the child to spend time with the targeted parent in order to experience firsthand that he or she is not the dangerous person the child was led to believe” (Baker, 2007, p. 233).

 

 Healing and Reconciliation

Although healing and reconciliation are rare, they are possible and take time.  It is very important that as counselors, especially Christian counselors, we are aware of the deep pain, hurt, anger and issues that both the wife and husband must deal with and especially the child or children in a high conflict divorce.  Anderson asserts that without a healthy sense of who we are in Christ and a healthy knowledge of the nature of God then we will not be able to help people resolve their issues in a biblical manner (2003).  What are some of the things that cause people to have distorted images and do they really affect an individual’s progress in resolving conflict in a biblical manner?  Anderson asserts “Before we came to Christ were were all conformed to this world and we will continue to be so if we allow ourselves to be influenced by it” (Anderson, 2003, p. 78).  All are born into this world and shaped by the worldview of the environment they were raised and also from the deep embedded emotional wounds from the past.  Even if an individual has accepted Jesus as their Savior, their sense of worth has often been programmed based on performance and worldly values (Anderson, Zuehlke, Zuehlke, 2000).  Many clients don’t understand that although “we became new creations in Christ; our minds were not instantly renewed.  That is why Paul wrote in Romans 12:12 ‘Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Anderson, 2004, p. 3).  Salvation is a one-time process; the process of sanctification (becoming more and more like Christ) is a lifelong process.  Meantime, impressions people have developed over time about whom God is and how people feel about themselves cause them to live according to what they have chosen to believe (Anderson, 2003).  Even then, in 2 Cor. 10:3-5 people are told that as Christians, there is an unseen war that has been going on and continues to wage greatly in everyone’s life and that is the war fought in the spiritual realm.  The Bible not only tells us that there is a war being waged but are to take captive every thought and make it obedient unto Christ (NIV).  Everyone deals with strongholds of the mind.  “If Satan can place a thought in your mind – and he can – it isn’t much more of a trick for him to make you think it is your idea” (Anderson, 2000, p.159).  It is no wonder then that people struggle with such distorted images of themselves, others, and the situation they are in or that they have an intense need for control.
 

Battlefield of the Mind

Most secular counselors would agree with the statement that mental illness is comprised of many different parts of the mind.  They will agree that chemical imbalances can cause certain mental illnesses.  They will also agree that distorted view and the inability to let go and deal with wounds or traumas, and even hereditary illness can be causes of mental illness and tremendous pain to a person, family or marriage.  What you won’t hear from any secular therapist is that there is a war that is being waged for your mind and it is not of this world.  Ephesians 6:12 explains:

For we are not wrestling with flesh and blood, [contending only with physical opponents], but against despotism's, against the power, against [the master spirits who are] the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere (AMP).

The great news especially for the Christian and the Christian counselor is not only do they know what they are up against; they know they having nothing to fear.  Why?  Because “greater is He (God) that is in you than he that is in the world” (John 4:4 NIV).  Not only has God sent the Holy Spirit to dwell inside His children, but He tells them in Luke 10:19 that He has given them all authority they need to overcome their enemy, Satan, and his schemes (NIV).  Anderson reminds Christian counselors that one of their biggest jobs through the leading of the Holy Spirit is to reveal to their clients the areas they have been deceived and/or given authority or a foothold to the Devil in their life or marriage and through thorough penance and renouncing these lies; believe, confess, and live by faith the promises and Word of God (Anderson, 2003).

The role of the Christian counselor, helper, or encourager is to be a Christ like example to those that are hurting and help them by the leading of the Holy Spirit to address the sin, anger, deception and ignorance of the Word of God which holds so many hurting people, marriages, and children bondage; there for preventing them from living a victorious free life in Christ.

Concluding Remarks

As we have seen, divorce has become an epidemic – not just around the world but right here in the United States.  Children are its greatest victims.  People call it the silent epidemic because no one feels it’s their place to get involved. As we have also seen, there not much hope in the secular world for healing when it comes to family reunification or parental alienation syndrome.  There is however; a wonderful Savior who loves us so much He gave His life for everyone so that they might have not only eternal life; but the ability to have healing in every area of life here on earth.   As Christians, we should be so grateful that no matter what situation we are in, no matter what the professionals of this world or statistics say, there is always hope in the Person of Jesus Christ.


 

References

Anderson, Neil T. (2000).   Victory Over the Darkness.  Ventura, CA:  Regal Books

Anderson, N., (2003).  Discipleship Counseling.  Ventura, CA:  Regal Books

Anderson, N., Zuehlke, T. Zuehlke, J. (2000) Christ Centered Therapy.  Grand Rapids,

MI:  Zondervan

Baker, A.  (2007). Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome:  Breaking the Ties That

            Bind. New York, NY:  W.W. Norton & Company

Bernet, W., (2010).   Parental Alienation: DSM-5, and ICD-11.  Springfield, IL: Charles C.

 Thomas Publisher, Ltd.

Clawar, S., Rivlin, B., (1991).  Children Held Hostage:  Dealing with Programmed and

            Brainwashed Children.  Chicago, IL:  American Bar Association

Clinton, T., Hart, A.,Ohlschlager, G., (2005).  Caring for People God’s Way.  Nashville, TN:

            Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Darnall, D., (2010) Beyond Divorce Casualties:  Reunifying the Alienated Family.  New York,

            NY:  Taylor Publishing Company

Darnall, D., (2006). Understanding Parental Alienation: Divorce Casualties, Second Edition:

  Understanding Parental Alienation.  New York, NY:  Taylor Publishing Company

Darnell, D., (1997).  Symptoms of Parental Alienation.  Retrieved from

            http://www.parentalalienation.org/articles/symptoms-parental-alienation.htm

Gardner, R. (1998).  The Parental Alienation Syndrome: Second Edition. Cresskill, NJ:

            Creative Therapeutics

Hart, A. (1992).  Stress and Your Child.  Nashville: TN:  Thomas Nelson Publishers

Hart, A., (1996).  Helping Children Survive Divorce:  What to Expect; How to Help. 

            Nashville: TN, Thomas Nelson Publishers

Meyers, J., (1995)  Battlefield of the Mind.  New York, NY:  Hachette Book Group

Novick, M., (2003).  Therapeutic Interventions for Children with Parental Alienation Syndrome

Journal of the American Academy of Psychoanalysis and Dynamic Psychiatry. 31(2)

48, Retrieved May 15, 2001, from ProQuest Psychology Journals. (Document ID: 374318441)

Richardson, P., (2006).   A Kidnapped Mind:  A Mother’s Heartbreaking Memoir of Parental

 Alienation. Toronto, Ontario, Canada:Dundurn Press

Steakley, K., (2008).  Child of Divorce, Child of God: A Journey of Hoper and Healing.

Downers Grove, IL:  InterVarsity Press

 

Remarks from the Author: Dr. Regina M. Baldwin

Twenty Two years ago as a result of a very dysfunctional and abusive divorce, I was alienated from two of my youngest children.  It took many years to forgive my own family for joining forces with my then husband.  As a Christian, I believed that God would certainly give my children back to me and I confidently strutted into court each week with my bible, my amateur pro se arguments, and exhibits to fight against professional teams of attorneys.  The man who ultimately raised my children was not my ex…he was my abuser.   There were many different levels of loss.  Accepting that God doesn’t always work things out in black in white and realizing that I would have to resign to waiting on His timing was not an easy chore.  I was the only one in my family who knew Christ.  Why would God allow unbelievers to take children from their Christian mother?  A mother who could finally stay home and do things so differently than she did as a teenager with her oldest.  Time passed and so often we believe that prayer changes Gods mind but it really changes us.  We think we are waiting on God to do some extraordinary miracle for us when everything we ever needed Him to do was done over 2000 years ago on the cross.  For a mother to let go of her children and entrust them to God’s care was quite challenging at first; but, as the years passed  I turned my heart and drew closer to Him.  I purposed that God could make me better instead of me becoming bitter.  Other ministry opportunities presented themselves that I could have never done had I won my children back during that time.

God brought countless children and teens to me who were alienated from their parents and full of anger and hatred.  It has been an honor to serve others & advocate for targeted parents in a way I only wished years ago someone would do for  me.  I purposed myself over 15 years ago to counsel other alienated parents believing without a doubt in God’s time restoration would occur and I still stand on it to this day.  Parental alienation is one of the worst and cruel forms of abuse to both the child and the parent who loves them.  When the pain is fresh we believe that the battle will be fought in the courthouse.  I still listen to countless clients tell me of their day in court that is coming.  The day they will be vindicated.  Only love can conquer such hate.  Parental alienation is not usually won in the court room. It should be but the enemy is too cunning for most.  My experience has allowed me to be part of so many other reunions.  I wouldn’t be the counselor I am today had I learned this in a text book.  Do I wish things were different?  I stopped wishing that a long time ago.  There is only one thing I need to know and hold onto.  My prayer is you will too.  Ephesians 3:20 tells me that God can and will do more than I could ever imagine if I trust Him and Isaiah 54:13 tells me that God will personally teach my children and in His time their peace will be great.

It took 20 years for my youngest son to call me and much pain.  Countless hours beginning a relationship with a mother he realized he knew absolutely no truth about…I wept in awe of God’s perfect timing as I listened to things I couldn’t have handled in past years.  This November 2014 will be the first time I spend several days with my youngest son since I threw his 2nd birthday party.  What a celebration it has been.  What a glorious freedom it is to forgive!  The only person I held hostage all the years I held onto to resentments was me.  When I finally was able to let go…really let go and trust God…He took all the pieces of of my broken life and weaved a greater quilt than I could have imagined.

Satan is the greatest parent alternator.  Has anyone ever thought about that?  Through the years when the “difficult days” hit or the “holidays” or “birthdays”, I would be lying if I told you they didn’t hurt.  But as I kept my eyes on God He revealed to me that He knew ALOT about parental alienation.  You see He created all of us and to top it off He created us not only in His Image but He cares about every little detail of our lives.  The Psalms tell us much about the depth and width of Our Heavenly Father.  He knows at any given time how many hairs you have on your head and how many tear drops you have cried.  He is unlike any man (or woman) you will ever know.  He even saved us from ourselves by providing a full pardon.  He gave us everything.  We deserve nothing and yet it cost Him everything.  Satan, the Master Parent Alienator will do everything he possibly can to keep us spiritually void and dead and out of fellowship with our Heavenly Father. Sadly, many people submit to the pleasures of this world and their selfish notions and miss out on God’s best.

God knows more than anyone about how it feels to have your children hate you, lie about you, believe lies about you, ignore you and badmouth you.  He goes through it every single day.  Pain is never God’s will.  While we live in a broken world with broken people who like to place blame everywhere but on themselves; God isn’t the one causing the pain.  The Master Parent Alternator has done a great job getting many people to blame God for things he has done or caused people to do.  Satan knows us well too.  Studying us from the day we are born as to tempt us where we are most vulnerable.  All he wants to do is to keep us hating God.  As long as our focus is on blaming God for everything we can’t understand, we lose and the devil wins.  Others may not understand the pain of parental alienation but God understands.  It is not His will for any child and parent to be separated. You may be saying to yourself “God is all powerful”..yes…but He is also a Gentleman and will not impose His will on anyone.  Could you imagine being forced to love someone.  What joy is in that? God’s love  is so massive that He never stops pursuing us.  He doesn’t wanting a single one to perish.  When we finally get it.  When we finally allow His love to permeate our lives; when we come to end of ourselves, repent and have our relationship restored with Our Heavenly Father through Jesus the impossible becomes possible and you become a person you had no idea you could even be.  If anyone is struggling with the pain and despair of parental alienation or if you are a child of divorce who has their absent parent badmouthed please contact me.  There is so much hope and happiness left for you.  I have few session available. Matters not where you are with Skype.  What the devil or man mean for evil, God will use for good if you let Him.  I pray sharing this testimony brings encouragement to some of you.

To my children Rachael and Steven, I love you.  I have loved you with a love only second to God since the day you were born and will continue to love you like that till the day I die. My primary prayer is no longer that “I win” but that you find the peace that only the Savior of your soul can bring, Jesus.  Love covers a multitude of sins.  When push come to shove I will take the odds on choosing to love every time. For more resources and information continue below.  To schedule a free consultation with me, Dr. Regina M. Baldwin, call 417-415-0511.    I have already won. Everything else is whipped cream.  To serve THE FATHER is the greatest privilege I have ever known.  May you all take a gratitude check and partner with us in helping the needy and fulfilling God’s mandates to help all those affiliated.  No one should live with out hope.  You can live without many things, but not hope.

 


Online Parental Alienation Resources

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